Bad Luck is my new Best Friend.

sorry i havent posted lately, bad luck is following me everywhere, and today i feel like crap. boyfriends house and watch movies and be fat this afternoon. till he gets home, i'm sweeping, vaccuuming and mopping the whole house. and re-arranging my room. and putting on new bedsheets. and putting a new feature thing in my room. taking down the photos, corkboards etc. i've realised that i'm sacrificing a lot lately. sleep is one, but another that is killing me, is for example, that i'm not going to my formal (prom) so that i can use the money to go to a church thing - so i've spent the last day or so detaching myself from my emotions.

btw LOL, my dog is freaking out at the thunder storm on right now, she's on my lap shaking like a leaf. if she was a child i'd tell her it's God getting was cause she killed those birds. LOL i'm going to be a terrible parent. hahahah. anyway, eye candy always makes me feel better so i hope you people will too :)

xxxx.

YAMAYZING.

i tried to break up with him tonight. his response: whatever reason you're trying to do this for, it's not good enough. we are not breaking up. thats what he said. and then - oh and then, he kissed me. he did it, he did something amazing. :) and my friend didnt even text him :) my weird feelings can fuck themselves. i love him, i love him. hello btw :) its raining here, but its warm. :) is it sunny where you are?

xxxxx.

delicious ambiguity

nothing's happened so far today. i just woke up with a headache because i fell asleep with my head on my phone. i wasnt talking on it or anything, it just ended up there. i think because i miss my boyfriend, i wanted to text him last night to tell him to come over in the morning, but i fell asleep. i'm kind of glad i did though, because if i had texted him and he didnt come, i wouldve been shattered. i miss him. i'll probably see him tonight. there's a church dance, only thing is that if he doesnt go, i'll end up going with this guy he hates who's my friend (i dont really like him either). awkward. the drive in was amazing, twilight was amazing: but taylor lautner is so much more than beyond amazing. have you seeen his body?! hello! i'm just glad my boyfriend didnt go last night to see me drool all over myself for this guy. LOL! honestly though, last night would have been so much better with him there. :( I MISS HIM, and yes i said it again. and for those wondering why the fuck i talk about my boyfriend so much is because he's so much so a part of my life that when he's not there for a while it freaks me out. he actually told me that he plans to marry me this one time we were at the hairdresser and i was looking at a bridal magazine. but he has shit to do first. it's complicated. also, and more importantly - he's my best friend. i can tell him everything (doesnt mean i do, remember i'm an incredibly emotionally closed off person).

the thing is though - i think i'm falling out of love with him and its scaring the hell out of me. hmm. i think i'm going to text my friend to tell her to text him and get him to do something awesome. like a summersault. :)

he is amazing, but he's just so damn stupid. nothing so far has happened today.

BTWOMFGWTFBBQFTW6OFOLLOWERSLOL.

romeo, save me.

i've realised i'm upset because i put my boyfriend before a lot of things. things like money, time, sleep, even health. mostly its because i never have the heart to say no. and things lately have been fucking up because of him. i wouldnt care, but when i'm upset because shit is fucked, he has nothing to say. i know he cares but, he just says nothing. i've decided to take a break, just without him knowing cause every other of the a thousant other times i've tried to go on a break he freaks out and is at my house all the time. lol, cutie. ♥ anyway, turns out my interview wasn't today, it was tuesday next week so i'm very relieved atm. i'm watching twilight for the first time tonight at home with charlotte. :) and at midnight we're going to the drive in with a group of 20, and watching new moon. charlotte says it will be the most exciting night of my life, hahah. it'll be good to stay away from boyfriend for a while, i can see it now.

even though i really do need space, i secretly want him to do something amazing.

yo!

33/91 degrees today.

i had a shit morning, the shittest morning in a while. so i went shopping, and i bought 2 bras and 7 pairs of new undies. was happy until i burnt my hand on a 527 degree metal thing. it hurts so bad. stuff with my boyfriend is uncontrollably bad. its gotten to the point that i cant even talk about it because it just makes me really upset. its not even that bad, he just really has not stepped up at all. he's not cheating on me or anything but he's just like, let down after let down i was so upset today, and i asked him to come to mine after work because i desperately needed to talk to him. he didnt come. i called him after like 6 hours, because i couldnt stop crying. and i know no ones perfect but c'mon. take the conversation we had on the phone:

mee: (babbling on about how much my hand is in excrutiating pain).

*awkward silence*

him: um, okay. i need to get up early is there anything important you need to say?

i started crying and hung up. i continued to cry for a half hour or so. i've had a stressful week. month. four months. yep. four months. i know i'll be okay though. wannaknow why? i'm a ninja. 'nuff said. hope you're better than me.

i'm not particularly happy today, but i'm not particularly sad either, its really weird! i think its because my daddy yelled at me this morning for not cleaning something my sister made a mess of, but then three scottish men came to my house and put insulation in the roof above my room so i wouldnt be cold anymore. and they did it for free :) thanks for the comments on the last post, and yes my boyfriend is a little bit cool. shall i tell you stories about the beginning of our romance? hua-cha! i need to figure out what's for dinner tonight~ hope you are smiling :)

xxxx.

trust in _____.

my boyfriend was really upset today, it kind of disturbed me, because i realised how shut off i can be. he was upset because he says i open up to other people

more than him and he doesnt know wha

to do anymore :( it was soo sweet but it was

also really really sadddd :(

on a positive note

I'M FREE!

FREE, I TELL YOU! FREEEEE!!!!

did my last exam today, & naaailleeeddd it!

and also the exam lady said that she

had never seen anyone write as much as me

^__^ hooray!

anyway with the whole omgomg stress thing

with not knowing what to do career-wise

i've decided i'm going to let God, fate or whatever it is

that decides your circumstances decide for me

and i'm just gonna live everyday like whatever :)

and i'm going to trust my boyfriend more

and talk to him because i didnt realize it upset him that much

which will be hard cause talking-out feelings

isnt exactly a skill i possess. i might write letters

to my boyfriend every now and then or something

LOL

should be good, although i dont

know how long i'll last.

hope you are all wonderful, happy and beautiful

(on the inside).

xxxx.

not having a job is really depressing me.

seriously, my friend bought an outfit yesterday

and i came home and out of nowhere i started

crying like i've never cried before!

it was soooo weird but it was also because

my boyfriend kept asking what was wrong. i hate that!

I NEED A JOB AND I NEED MONEY.

i wanna buy clothes for me and random shit

for my boyfriend and presents at christmas

and op shop things and that! i even actually

want to pay tithing! or at least be able to! argh!

plus i want to get out of this f*cking house.

its driving me nuts. everything is!!

either way though i'm not emo or anything

i'm still happy for what i have, i just want a job.

& my hair is growing! yay!

its funny how things like clothes can depress you

i'm such an ungrateful bitch LOLOL

ohwell :) hope you are all well and lovely.

xxxx.

i got upset today.

he held me like so:

and made sure i was okay :) i think that im starting to realize the meaning

behind the saying that happiness isnt real if it isnt shared with someone

you love ♥ church was good also: its helping with the whole priorities situation.

cant wait for beach tomorrow, how i love summer (& how i hate mosquitoes!!!)

what are you up to this week? ♥ link me to your posts please, i would very much like to read, to do some catching up :)

BEACHED AS BRO.

HERRO :) as you may know, the weather here is fucked. it will rain in the afternoon, thunderstorm at night and be like 30 degrees the next day (celcius) AND, thanks to the big fat hole in the o-zone layer our UV exposure is worse than all of youse other guys (so blerh!!) summer's pretty much officially here (even though its still technically spring so yesterday we hit the beach and spent most of the day eating icecream and at the beach with tyron ♥ which was cute we went to watch a movie at a friends, got bored so we (about 25 of us) walked down

to the beach at about 9pm & it was beautiful. tyron was being all romantic, and we were like swimming in the water but like i was on his lap and he was swaying back and forth :) and i was like "we need music!" and he's like "just listen to the ocean :)" and i was all like awwww, but secretly laughing inside and tyron and i stayed behind and decided it would be fun to go swimming naked and it totally was! but anyways, hope your weekends were awesome as was mine. :) hitting the beach again tomorrow with the sole purpose of tanning :) because i am latin american (i.e. dark?!) but right now, my boyfriend who is half islander, half white australian is darker than me. and i'm not happy about it. LOLLL happy blogging!

xxxx.

YOU MAKE ME SO MAD!!

but then again, so does everything else.

i (do not) feel fan-fucking-tastic.

as you may be able to tell,

my head is all over the place right now.

i'm pissed off to the max,

and i am also crazy!

*throws arms in the air*

HALLA-BA-LOO!!! :D

i need a job.

i need a job.

i need a job.

i need a job.

why?

JOB = PAY

PAY = MONEY

MONEY = RENT

RENT = NEW HOME.

ALL OF THIS = FREEDOM FROM OPRESSION. :)

hooray.

i hope your life

is better than mine was today.

i fell backwards at the front door,

i was trying to lift up my boyfriend

how he lifts me up when i'm upset

and he wants to make me feel better.

was shit cause it hurt

but it was kinda cute i guess.

so anyway now my elbow hurts.

and i think its bedtime right about now.

xxxx.

p.s. that guy up top is the finest damn thing i ever did see in all my years.

thirty followers, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! ♥

well, i did get the break i was looking for, i guess it just wasnt in the most unexpected of ways.

i got a massive headache earlier

and it turned out to be some weird thing

and i couldnt talk or breathe or move or walk or see,

so nyeewww off i went inne ambuience all the way to the hospital :)

so i've just come back from spending the past 10 hours in the hospital. my boyfriend came, again, he was lovely. didnt help that he rocked up in a suit, looking the sexiest i've ever seen him ever ever in my life. ♥ but it motivated me to want to come home and eat. i was hungry because i threw up everything i ate this year LOL thanks for the comments&subscriptions btw. i made it to 30 today :) it was a lovely suprise :D oh and btw, i'm okay :D xxxx.

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL.

i think i need a break. not from anything specific though,

except for maybe my pesimistic attitude that i seem to have adopted over the past couple of days. ♥

its hard to be optimistic sometimes, but i think once you

re-focus, and think of nothing else BUT your priorities

optimism catches up on you. and i hope it does :)

although, right now it's all curiosity's fault.

if it wasn't for you my friend, i wouldnt be so caught up in the:

OMG WHO AM I. WHAT AM I GOING TO BE? AM I GOING TO BE POOR OR RICH, WHO WILL WANT TO MARRY ME, ARE THESE THE BEST OF MY YEARS?! WHY THE HELL IS THIS THE WAY IT IS? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO STUDY? WHY IS MY BOYFRIEND LIKE THAT? WHY ARE MY THIGHS SO BIG? WHY CANT I BE LIKE HER? WHY ISNT MY HAIR GROWING FASTER?? Kind of shit.

you suck.

thanks for your comments, you are lovely.

xxxx.

life is insane.

mmm/bh.

i am terrified.

im just glad i have you.

spoonful of sugar.

whi.

job interviews suck. just as much as life does for me right now. (brb) gone beach. *thumbs up.*

F*CK!

her hand's ugly (: but i like her hair

(nancy, tryon after church bbq)

coming my house babe?

yeah for sure :)

on the way there:

*ring ring!*

i have to go home.

your mum??

..yeah, i'm sorry babe.

(in my head) fuck!

today was both complicated and elaborate.

i found out how much my boyfriend actually loves me.

things were said such as "i really do not want to lose you,"

"i'm scared of being without you." and

"dont ever leave. i dont want you to go." were said;

and life briefly resembled the budget video clip

off a soundtrack song of a cheap romantic chick flick

(where in the end it's shit cause theyre

both ugly. except my boyfriend's hot.)

i wont bother explaining everything i currently have no idea what's going on. slightly reminds me of war:

no deaths, no guns, no tanks though. nothing flash.

just pure amunition (and ofcourse, politics).

kisses, hugs, and uncomfortable

touchies for you all :D *winkwink*

♥ thanks for commenting!

nancy 1 - 1 big mama

one up! :)

i dont know who she is, but shes gorrrrgeousss. i've re-named my boyfriends mum :) bendyway, just came back from big mama's house i did not say hi to her, and i knew she'd come out the back so i went into the house the back way, and cuddled up to tyron just that little bit too close >:) when she glared at me i purposely rubbed my eyes like i was upset boyfriend cuddled me and stroked my hair. she could see me, i could see her.

tension!

i rubbed my eyes again. she saw my nails. black nails >:) i feel evil, yet satisfied. nancy 1 - 0 big mama

SHE RUINS EVERYTHING!

i officially hate my boyfriends mum.

now, i know that hate might be a strong word, BUT!!

she is seriously being a big fat hairy mole! and no, i'm not going to be a bitch to her or make my boyfriend choose between, but ugh i've really never met anyone so anal in my life. & i really want to tell her how grosse her hair is.

and i'm also very glad she doesnt know how to use the internet.

advice to anynoe who is going through or will ever go through this

the best thing to do, is to not do anything.but act the victim.

my boyfriend loves me; hence if he sees me upset, he'll know its an issue

if your boyfriends mum sees you upset, (and shes not a sub-species of alien) she'll feel bad.

..and eventually apologise.

and then you can get on with your life.

in the meanwhile: do little things that will annoy her (that if she reacts to it will make her look stupid.) to keep you entertained whilst you wait for that big fat apology -- all nicely wrapped with a pretty bow ontop. :)

bendyway, i'm gonna go find nail polish, & paint my nails black. :) ..she hates black nail polish.

how was your weekend?

mine was exactly as follows:

my weekend was really overwhelming.

will explain tomorrow.

sorry for not posting much.

♥