romeo, save me.

i've realised i'm upset because i put my boyfriend before a lot of things. things like money, time, sleep, even health. mostly its because i never have the heart to say no. and things lately have been fucking up because of him. i wouldnt care, but when i'm upset because shit is fucked, he has nothing to say. i know he cares but, he just says nothing. i've decided to take a break, just without him knowing cause every other of the a thousant other times i've tried to go on a break he freaks out and is at my house all the time. lol, cutie. ♥ anyway, turns out my interview wasn't today, it was tuesday next week so i'm very relieved atm. i'm watching twilight for the first time tonight at home with charlotte. :) and at midnight we're going to the drive in with a group of 20, and watching new moon. charlotte says it will be the most exciting night of my life, hahah. it'll be good to stay away from boyfriend for a while, i can see it now.

even though i really do need space, i secretly want him to do something amazing.

yo!

33/91 degrees today.

i had a shit morning, the shittest morning in a while. so i went shopping, and i bought 2 bras and 7 pairs of new undies. was happy until i burnt my hand on a 527 degree metal thing. it hurts so bad. stuff with my boyfriend is uncontrollably bad. its gotten to the point that i cant even talk about it because it just makes me really upset. its not even that bad, he just really has not stepped up at all. he's not cheating on me or anything but he's just like, let down after let down i was so upset today, and i asked him to come to mine after work because i desperately needed to talk to him. he didnt come. i called him after like 6 hours, because i couldnt stop crying. and i know no ones perfect but c'mon. take the conversation we had on the phone:

mee: (babbling on about how much my hand is in excrutiating pain).

*awkward silence*

him: um, okay. i need to get up early is there anything important you need to say?

i started crying and hung up. i continued to cry for a half hour or so. i've had a stressful week. month. four months. yep. four months. i know i'll be okay though. wannaknow why? i'm a ninja. 'nuff said. hope you're better than me.

trust in _____.

my boyfriend was really upset today, it kind of disturbed me, because i realised how shut off i can be. he was upset because he says i open up to other people

more than him and he doesnt know wha

to do anymore :( it was soo sweet but it was

also really really sadddd :(

on a positive note

I'M FREE!

FREE, I TELL YOU! FREEEEE!!!!

did my last exam today, & naaailleeeddd it!

and also the exam lady said that she

had never seen anyone write as much as me

^__^ hooray!

anyway with the whole omgomg stress thing

with not knowing what to do career-wise

i've decided i'm going to let God, fate or whatever it is

that decides your circumstances decide for me

and i'm just gonna live everyday like whatever :)

and i'm going to trust my boyfriend more

and talk to him because i didnt realize it upset him that much

which will be hard cause talking-out feelings

isnt exactly a skill i possess. i might write letters

to my boyfriend every now and then or something

LOL

should be good, although i dont

know how long i'll last.

hope you are all wonderful, happy and beautiful

(on the inside).

xxxx.

EFFYEAH!

tomorrow is my LAST exam ever for highschool

and i got applications and interviews

for teriary studies today, which made me feel

not-so-bad about being unproductive :)

i should really go study,

weird -- i actually WANT to! :D

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

xxxx.

not having a job is really depressing me.

seriously, my friend bought an outfit yesterday

and i came home and out of nowhere i started

crying like i've never cried before!

it was soooo weird but it was also because

my boyfriend kept asking what was wrong. i hate that!

I NEED A JOB AND I NEED MONEY.

i wanna buy clothes for me and random shit

for my boyfriend and presents at christmas

and op shop things and that! i even actually

want to pay tithing! or at least be able to! argh!

plus i want to get out of this f*cking house.

its driving me nuts. everything is!!

either way though i'm not emo or anything

i'm still happy for what i have, i just want a job.

& my hair is growing! yay!

its funny how things like clothes can depress you

i'm such an ungrateful bitch LOLOL

ohwell :) hope you are all well and lovely.

xxxx.

YOU MAKE ME SO MAD!!

but then again, so does everything else.

i (do not) feel fan-fucking-tastic.

as you may be able to tell,

my head is all over the place right now.

i'm pissed off to the max,

and i am also crazy!

*throws arms in the air*

HALLA-BA-LOO!!! :D

i need a job.

i need a job.

i need a job.

i need a job.

why?

JOB = PAY

PAY = MONEY

MONEY = RENT

RENT = NEW HOME.

ALL OF THIS = FREEDOM FROM OPRESSION. :)

hooray.

i hope your life

is better than mine was today.

i fell backwards at the front door,

i was trying to lift up my boyfriend

how he lifts me up when i'm upset

and he wants to make me feel better.

was shit cause it hurt

but it was kinda cute i guess.

so anyway now my elbow hurts.

and i think its bedtime right about now.

xxxx.

p.s. that guy up top is the finest damn thing i ever did see in all my years.

all of mine, well.. they all seem to

somehow come back to me. :\

i've decided to be hopelessly in love with my boyfriend.

it's taken a while to admit that i'm IN love with him

(as opposed to just loving him) but, i think i was just scared.

i suppose it's like that sometimes :)

happy blogging everybody :)

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL.

i think i need a break. not from anything specific though,

except for maybe my pesimistic attitude that i seem to have adopted over the past couple of days. ♥

its hard to be optimistic sometimes, but i think once you

re-focus, and think of nothing else BUT your priorities

optimism catches up on you. and i hope it does :)

although, right now it's all curiosity's fault.

if it wasn't for you my friend, i wouldnt be so caught up in the:

OMG WHO AM I. WHAT AM I GOING TO BE? AM I GOING TO BE POOR OR RICH, WHO WILL WANT TO MARRY ME, ARE THESE THE BEST OF MY YEARS?! WHY THE HELL IS THIS THE WAY IT IS? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO STUDY? WHY IS MY BOYFRIEND LIKE THAT? WHY ARE MY THIGHS SO BIG? WHY CANT I BE LIKE HER? WHY ISNT MY HAIR GROWING FASTER?? Kind of shit.

you suck.

thanks for your comments, you are lovely.

xxxx.

i am so confused. i have no idea what's going on. i feel like every part of me wants to go in different directions, and i dont know what to think anymore. i feel like i need to be somewhere else, but the parts of my heart that accomodate the people who are precious want me to stay right where i am. even though i'm not moving, i feel like my heart has left me. it hurts.